WEIRD!..
as you are all aware there has been some spooky goings on in blogdum of late..blogs disappearing...pictures not loading..swear words appearing when the writer did not put them fucking there..soo me and tarquin decided to hold a seancé last night to try and find out what dark spirits haunts this domain..these are some of the horrifying images we conjured up...as you can see in the pics above...and your wondering what? the hell is cliff richard doing there he's not dead... only his singing career is ...well through the power of mediumship and a bottle of baccadi breezer we saw what the problem was...its cliff he has been displeased at the bad press he has been getting in blogdum of late and because his shallow ego couldn't take it (because he thinks he's god basically)..he has hacked in to the system and set about trying to bring the bloggers down...what a dirty rotten scoundrel he really is...just cause id rather pick chewing gum of a cats back than listen to his music there was no need for this vicious attack...i'd rather spend a night in a cold bunker with tight shoes and a wet dog than watch his so called movies...so if in future you have problems think on its not a ghost in the machine its a prick called cliff!....sorry koos i know he was your hero..>:0)..
posted by gypsy noir at 7/15/2006
44 Comments:
Quick...get Harry off the Webb!
...picking gum off a cat's back...
...tight shoes & a wet dog...
Sounds all so very exciting!
aha as you can see dale i lead a very exciting life...will this pleasure never end??...oh spooky harry webb was all a cover..hmmm...
Aha...I see Cliff's become the Webbmaster, has he?
May the force be with you..
Gypsy, how can you even think of such masochistic torture..I mean tight shoes OUCH and a wet dog...OMG the stench!...give me the thumb screws..anything but not that..
...dale cliff is a cat treat ..but val a tight dog and wet shoes..lol...anythings better than sir cliffs wardlings of power to all my friends and cogratulations..and not to forget the rip-off that was the lordy lorks prayer 2000 mix...crap i say!...dogma b/g..dogma!...
is that you b/g or cliffs meddling..
dale we like filthy...
its cliffs ma...
we're ready when you are val..
Bobsgirl & I both read a book called "The Cure For Death By Lightning" - great name eh!
One of the characters was a boy named Billy who had turrets syndrome - hence his nickname "Filthy Billy"...
a tourretts joke...An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the
streets and bars of Dublin one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dawson
Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for
evening performances'.
'Fu**ing get in there you ****!' he says to himself and goes to the bar.
'Get the fu**ing manager of this pigs s*it middle class **** hole please
you ****', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however
obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you sir?' he says
'Yes you can you fat piece of s*it, I saw your poxy advert in the ****ing
window and I'm here to audition.....****er.'
The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire
need for a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The
first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too
involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries,
'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?'
'That song, you big nosed tw*t, was called "Excuse me prime minister but I
just j*zzed in your daughter's eye, and now the ****s blind...'
'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little
less "lively".'
'****er..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad
which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through his salty teardrops
asks him the title.
'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the sh*t
box you get cr*p on your bell end.'
'I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive
titles?'
'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your r*ngpiece", or
there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got
nice jugs".
'Look' says the manager interrupting, 'I think you're a superb pianist but
the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the
condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.'
'**** it' says the pianist 'Why not'.
On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up
his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty. The only
thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous
blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side revealing the
tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and
inviting cleavage. During the interval the pianist has got such a stonking
hard on that he decides to go to the bog and knock one out.
Just as he has shot his muck he hears himself being re-introduced over the
tannoy, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the
show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him.'Hi' she
says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives.
She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your c*ck is hanging
out of your trousers, and sp*nk is dribbling onto your shoes?'
'Know it?'
says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently,
'I ****ing wrote it !!!'
ROFL
ROFL
ROFL
ROFL
...as i pick myself up off the floor...
lol ..i know im pissing myself at this one..
I didn't know what Tourretts/turrets..whatever syndrome was before...umm..I think I get it now...lol
Gypsy that was just way too gross...lolololo!
BTW how did Harry do it??
val seems harry ..aka sir cliff has been up to alot of no good of late..we can blame him for everything now...cos we can!..b/g our keef wouldn't do that he is innocent...
i have no other option as harrys legal advisor than to warn you noir if this charactor assassination continues on my client i will have no other option than to sue you!
ooohh!!!..im shaking in my size three boots...
Gypsy you are such an inspiration. Couldn't help picking up the guitar and playing Living Doll for Vallyp, who now acts as if she is not wiping the tears from her eyes...
Thanks for the tourette story, most enlightening, albeit hard work to fill in all the missing letters correctly.
LOL
Trust Koos to try to fill in the blanks...
I think the bats should be on this page eebygum...
And leave my Keith out of this!
It's that wicked Webb!
awe koos your such a romantic ..i think vals tears we're in appreciation for your dedication..not that she was still crying with laughing at the touretts joke..maybe he was a dyslexic=dickslecktick...tourettes sufferer...yes dale this is bat country...jesus!...
chin chin b/g....
Suddenly there was a terrible roar
all around us and the sky was full
of what looked like huge bats, all
swooping and screeching and diving
around the car...
... and a voice was screaming: Holy
Jesus! What are these goddamn
animals?
No point mentioning these bats...
Gypsy , you should have numbered the missing letters for Koos and put a key at the bottom....
...then he could've done a Who By Numbers instead of a Livin' Doll!
ha ha yes val...hope you enjoyed your serenadé...
the bit where they are on the ether cracks me up...b/g..
Oh... that Keith...
I can be thick at times.
Seranades of Cliff Pilchard songs...hmmm dunno, a bit fishy that...think I smell a rat round here too...or was it a pig...no no, Henry ate that one..;-)
The temperatures gone off the gauge today...must have addled me brain.,,lol
Do you like my combi-blog post references, gypsy
how to multi-blog..only long serving bloggers can do that..lol
oh hello val and dale..well ive just been clearing the pathway..its sub zero temperatures here im snowed in! ..we had a blizzard it was fabulous ive stoked the fire and am going to snuggle down for the evening in my thermals..
no it was shit i lie it was wishful thinking...i yearn for the cold winter nights...
Gypsy - I was just wondering... sometimes we get snow here in the middle of summer...
Yessiree Bob - I believe it has just been sold this weekend... whew.
I do love a cold winter night... thermals in front of the fire...
wind howling...rain lashing down...thunder/lightning..ah bliss..
AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!
Don't you dare bring the curse of cold winter nights down on me...I was just biginning to enjoy myself, hear that.. I LOVE the heat, I LOVE the sun. It's been so hot the last week, there's no humiditiy left, and it's GREAT! Just like my beloved Africa......pant...whew...sorry, guys, got a bit excited there...
Right where were we?
By the way, I like Cliff Richard too...;-) lololololo he he
Eeewwwww...chewing gum off a cat's back?? That's even grosser than chewing nuts with gum....
Speaking of people who should be dead, where's your photo of Joan Rivers? I'm pretty sure she's cryogenically frozen and moonlighting as one of the living during the day.....
val !!!...you cant be serious...you can not be a closet cliff richard fan...you do realise this admission sends suspicion raining down on you and koos that you two are in league with the vicious mr webb sabbateur????
lol mary beth..joan rivers is indeed a fine example of why not to have plastic surgery...she looks permantly surprized and dead at the same time..lol..
snigger.....;-)
oh ya - and phyllis diller, too...
It's the shocked look they all wear...
...but phyllis is funny!!
i think by the year 2010 expressions will be a thing of the past...we will have a switch on the side of our head that says..happy .sad..disgusted..shock..etc...imagine that!..
grab em by the the neck and cut off the slack! b/g...
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