THE ART OF BISCUIT DUNKING...BY G-NOIR
NINE STEP GUIDE TO BISCUIT DUNKING
1-MAKE SURE THE BISCUIT IS CRISPY TO FACILITATE THE CORRECT SOGGYNESS..
2-TEA MUST BE NUCLEAR HOT!..
3-CUSTARD CREAMS ARE A NO NO, THE OUTER WALL AT ONE SIDE ALWAYS FALLS OFF..
4-HAVE A TEASPOON ON STAND-BY..
5-HAVE A VALIUM ON STAND-BY..
6-CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVES ARE PERFECT BUT BE WARNED DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR WHEN INDULGING AS YOU MAY LOOK LIKE A CHEAP CLOWN..
7-ANYONE WHO SUCKS TEA THROUGH A TWIX SHOULD BE EXILED TO VLADIVOSTOK..IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER!..
8-DO NOT TALK ON THE PHONE WHILST DUNKING IS IN OPERATION..
9-IT TAKES YEARS OF PRACTISE, A LOT OF TEARS, TANTRUMS AND BABY WIPES...BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END..
...OH SHIT!..IT'S GAWN IN ME TEA..AGAIN!!!...
1-MAKE SURE THE BISCUIT IS CRISPY TO FACILITATE THE CORRECT SOGGYNESS..
2-TEA MUST BE NUCLEAR HOT!..
3-CUSTARD CREAMS ARE A NO NO, THE OUTER WALL AT ONE SIDE ALWAYS FALLS OFF..
4-HAVE A TEASPOON ON STAND-BY..
5-HAVE A VALIUM ON STAND-BY..
6-CHOCOLATE DIGESTIVES ARE PERFECT BUT BE WARNED DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR WHEN INDULGING AS YOU MAY LOOK LIKE A CHEAP CLOWN..
7-ANYONE WHO SUCKS TEA THROUGH A TWIX SHOULD BE EXILED TO VLADIVOSTOK..IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER!..
8-DO NOT TALK ON THE PHONE WHILST DUNKING IS IN OPERATION..
9-IT TAKES YEARS OF PRACTISE, A LOT OF TEARS, TANTRUMS AND BABY WIPES...BUT IT'S WORTH IT IN THE END..
...OH SHIT!..IT'S GAWN IN ME TEA..AGAIN!!!...
posted by gypsy noir at 5/22/2007
27 Comments:
This should be in every etiquette book! I think #5 should be on every "how to" list, in case something goes wrong, right?
Hahahaha gypsy...yay...she's back, and I think I know why ;-)
What a brilliant way to break your silence. I think we should have a biccy dunking competition. Normal Digestives are my faves. I love that faint crispiness that still lingers if you do the dunking quickly!
I warn you, though, I'm a champion dunker...and a bicaholic ;-)
Hahaha Gypsy! A perfect and much-needed User Guide. However, you have left out my favourite variation: a technique which takes dunking to a competitive level. Are you familiar with the chocolate teddy bear game?
Do you have chocolate teddy bear biscuits? I've never seen them in the UK, but I'm sure they must exist. Anyway, rules of engagement are as follows:
1. Two or more players take one freshly poured cup of tea each, and one chocolate-coated teddy bear biscuit.
2. Each contestant bites off a piece from their teddy's raised arm and also from the diagonally opposing teddy foot.
3. At the signal to start, each player dips the bitten foot into the tea, and sucks as much of the hot liquid through the raised arm as possible. Players continue until they feel it's time to withdraw what remains of their teddies.
4. The winner is the one whose tea level has dropped the lowest. Any player whose teddy has disintegrated is automatically disqualified. It's cruel but fair. Practice increases your ability to judge the moment to withdraw and eat the soggy bear.
Classy, eh?
In truth though, I consider myself far too classy to dunk at all. And anyway, once you've poured the tea into the saucer, it's too shallow to dunk anything more than your thumb in!
LOL Margie! How do classy ladies manage their saucers without slopping the contents everywhere? Do tell, I've been trying to get it right for years!
oreos
milk
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Anne marie your right specially when trying to build flat pack tat..or assemble a kinder surprize thingy..
why vally p, i do declare i don't know what you mean..(blush)..
(that faint crispiness that still lingers if you do the dunking quickly!) ha! val your an expert for sure, perfect description!..
where would a bicaholic go for therapy?..hmm..
Marg!!..we don't practice such atrocitys here!!..thats terrible the poor teddy!..sick twisted and barbaric!..
do they taste good?..
My grandad tought me to drink tea from a saucer..he always said dont forget to cock your little finger..it worked..i was a lady..
dale!!!!!!!....
Have you noticed the word tea is in ThErApy...
I know where biscaholics go..
of course!..
to the 'don't give a fig centre'..
get it..fig roll..oh never mind!..
Thought that was quite good meself..
Hi Gypsy
-VallyP is so discreet even I don't know what she means or why you blush.
-Losing the soggy bit in the tea happens to the best of us, except to VallyP of course - posh you know.
-ThErApy: a tea-total eye opener.
-VallyP taught me all about dunking biccies but the tea bit never worked for me - or for het for that matter. Nescafé's fine.
-DALE!!!!!
Very good rules to live by!!
Tea total..brilliant!..koos.. trust you to come up with that..
Val is posh i've heard her talk..lady P..
Margie!
It gives a whole new meaning to "suck it up"...
;)
Yay Dale! We're the slurpers and burpers...the greatest sucker uppers of all time...
LOL Gypsy, slurping your tea out of a saucer with your pinkie held high...the biggest problem with being that posh is keeping your nose clean...if you know what I mean!
Talking of which, I told Koos ;-)
Sheesh, I'm getting so obscure even I don't know what I mean..lol
my feel better tea is a strong cu of good old fasioned, with a big dollop of eagle brand sweetened condensed milk... a hang-on from my dear old departed granny...
my only issue with dunking is crumbs in my tea...rather like clouds in my cofee...
val..lol..
stevie..i hate that mushy bits at the bottom..if we all saved them and put it in a big container we could ship it to africa to build a hut..
Too true - hate those mushy bits!
Gypsy, I know it's hard luck on the teddies, but we all have to go sometime, and I bet I won't taste half so good on my deathbed. (Oh. Probably should have thought that one out before I typed it. Bleh).
Val - "How do classy ladies manage their saucers without slopping the contents everywhere?" It's easy. You don't lift the saucer from the table - just bend your head down and slurp it up. Problem solved.
Did I mention I am a graduate of the Wagga Wagga Finishing School and Academy of Antipodean Etiquette for Sheilas? Duxed my weekend course I did. Kylie Minogue was in my class and looked like a sure winner, but during the Entertaining in Style session (free-range goanna stuffed with pesto and feta on a bed of wild rocket) I gave her a thong wedgie when the instructor wasn't looking and she shrieked like a cockatoo in a blender. Completely blew it.
Sooo your responsible for kylies singing career margie!..she would never have developed the screechy voice had it not been for the wedgie incident!...
I tried to give myself a wedgie once and ended up nearlly circumcised!!..
That was bad..
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I'm back!!!
Oh and you need a number 10 on there.
Only the working class and mentally retarded suck tea through a twix, kitkat or any other long tubular biscuit :)
Hey, Hey... I've gone mental in youtube land! We're back into Summer form soon with the wee one and all sorts of work is keeping me tre bizie! Always good to hear from you!.. mucho amore and all that 2u! xx
ummm. I think gingersnaps work pretty well, but chocloate cookies are the best, when the chocolate gets all soft and yummyyyyy...
a hut in Africa you say?
I'm there!
Hey you told me Dale had turned into a daffodil, ive just found her bandying around on Vals blog talking about mods wearing clogs, I think we're onto something here gyppo, new fashion accessories for the dutch moped types LOL
Anyhooz the much awaited project post is up come see the pics :)
*LOL* I had no idea there were rules for such a thing! I feel inspired and motivated by reading your post to become a better dunker. Now where's my cup of tea.....
Thank freakin god, gypsy finally pulled a few biscuits out of her...uh er ...boots and instructed us in something useful! Choc digestives the best.
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