THE CALLING

Things started to look up after the *bertha* incident..neil was on a league against leagues tour round the liverpool area....but he was getting bored ..wanted more ..i mean theres only so much of the cure you can take....then it happend one dreary monday afternoon neil was busy dismantling one of his guitars when the phone went.....neil came in the kitchen where i was burning lunch...( yes a groupies task was many..slave labour it was)....ive just had a call from god....what do you mean i said you dont believe in that shit....no thee god.....then he stutterd the word...mmmmorrissey!.....oh crikey!!....what did he want....he wants me to stand in for johnny...he's broken a fingernail...refuses to play....quick hand me the no nails i need to re-assemble this guitar.....and some hair gel i need to quiff up .....arrives a gig the next day..the folded arms pub in warrington....morrissey greeted neil with a half a smile...gave me a dirty look and said make yourself useful go to the nearest graveyard nick some Chrysanthemums and Gladiolas for the show...wow! what an honour.......anyhow the show went great morrissey was fabulous as always.....they came off stage.....and i noticed morrisseys groupies all over him but he was having none of it ....told them all to piss off and leave him be....these girls were rampant nymphos... years of being rebuffed by morrissey....so they turned their attention on neil....and dragged him off in to the ladies toilets....he didnt protest....i can still see the grin on his face as he was being dragged away and molested.......so i thought hmmmm what shall i do....so i knocked on morrisseys door and went in....i ducked as he threw a shoe at me.....get out i hate you all!!....i could tell he wanted to talk really.....so i told him of the first album i ever bought ...it was the new york dolls....fave track trash...his eyes lit up ..really!!!...oh well then right get the kettle on....we had tea,custard creams and talked for hours about our mutual interest.....then i had to go and pick neil up off the floor of the ladies...his clothes were ripped to shreds and he could hardly walk or talk........but but he was happy.....as for whether me and morrissey ever shagged ....well he swore me to secrecy....if i tell anyone ..he will kill me!!.....