SEX DRUGS AND PLYWOOD VENEERS

Arrives at the pisshead tour early fri morning...i was following behind as always...neil goes to lemmys trailer for breakfast...6 bottles of JD, 100 embassy regal,and a whole alphabet of drugs..i got slung in the groupie cage with lemmys groupies....these were not your average bertha type groupies they were turbo chic...6 ft stunners.....i was out of my depth..they sneered at me visciously...i just sat in the corner and pretended i couldnt see them...spent the whole day there while the groups were rehearsing....then lemmy and neil came over ....lemmy says to neil ...you know what i feel like slumming it tonight ..i want a low down cheap little whore...a right dirty slut ...oh well neil said ive got just the thing....meet gypsy my official groupie you can borrow her if you want....is she debauched depraved and down right imoral...yes all those things and more....hey cheers mate,help yourself to mine any or all of them...neil chose all 10 of them....so he got whisked off to the boudoir trailer .....lemmy just grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to his trailer......well! 6 hours later i had been shagged everyway humanly possible....and more....to say i could hardley walk was an understatement....my wrists were all bruised off the handcuffs,i had a skull and crossbow logo tattooed on my left ass cheek....and a friction burn on my nose (dont ask)...i made john wayne look rigid.....then lemmy had the nerve to ask me if i thought he was attractive ..i said well your ok but those teeth of yours could do with sorting out...i mean they look more like sugar puffs than teeth....do you think so!....crikey! you see cos im a rock god no one dares tell me what a ugly twat i really am...hmmmm quite.....well i know a really cheap back street dentist he'll do you some veneers ....now they're not porcelain like bowies they are made from the finest plywood all you have to do is paint them white every now and then keep them nice and bright.....oh ok cheers ...right bitch get out now im done with you.....neil came staggering out the boudoir covered in bites and scatches....all he kept saying was wow!....wow!...over and over.....saw lemmy a few month later he had the brightest smile......but it was more plywood than hollywood....