ABDUCTION

some time ago... i was abducted by aliens.....thing is they all looked like brian ferry...i went to bed as usual...hot water bottle... 1 dog.... 4 cats... and my one eyed teddy bear called tinkerbell cause he has no bell in his ear anymore...not since 1968....i knicked it as my first hippie bell....i was reading one of tarquins magazines...NAKED GAY MEN...i was doing some indepth reserch for a current project i have on the go...im busy writing a book called ...HOW TO TURN FIT GAY MEN STRAIGHT WITHOUT THEM NOTICING AND WHEN YOU GET SICK TURN THEM BACK AGAIN!........there was this bright light came shinning through the window....and brian ferrys face bobbing up and down...i felt compelled to go to it.....then as if by magic i was sucked through the window and into a sort of metal cocktail shaker of giant proportions...everywhere i looked there was brian ferrys....i asked one of them not sure which one...what was going on...and he said you are on the roxyton spaceship....we are ferrions...we have chosen you cause your life is like a bottomless carrier bag...pointless!.....and we thought you needed cheering up...then all these brian ferry clones were serving me champagne.....lighting my cigarettes...massaging my shoulders.....brushing my hair...feeding me blue strawberries....as they did so they were serenading me with beautiful songs...i could choose any of them to have a bit of wicked fun with....hmmm but which one do i choose they all look the same...i felt like id gone to heaven....but being space travel i was traveling speeds up to 1000000000,000 light years.....so time was irrelevent...i had no concept of how long id been away....i started to worry about...will my hot water bottle be still hot?...and those brat cats better not have broken in to my supreme spam?....and my 10.am to 10.pm curfew.....blown that one i think....while i was having that most esquisite time ..theres only so much of .....avalon ,jealous guy and hard rain you can take ....im talking squillions...so i asked if they would perchance return me home forthwith..which give them their due they did....i kissed every single one of them farewell...my tongue was run ragged...anyhew i waved them off in to the night sky.....and fell on to my bed.....woke up the next day nice and early for me about 3.pm....and it all came back to me....i had to tell someone ...my curfew wasnt lifted till 10.pm so i got tarquin and a few of my other friends round so i could dramaticaly tell the tale and basicly show off......guess what! they all laughed and said i must have dreamt it....said id been hitting the vino....but i hadnt!...it did happen..ill prove it i have a mark on my bottom its some sort of ferrion symbol....no laughs tarquin its an old hickey ...you tart!!!..well i dont care what they think ..i know i was abducted i just know i was.....hmmmmm......ponders with a serious face....