THE BLACK WIDOW..moi?...
JUST HOT OFF MY 6INCH HEELS OF BURYING MY TENTH HUSBAND...CANT THINK WHY THE WOMEN OF THIS TOWN ARE LABELLING ME A "BLACK WIDOW"! I MEAN JUST CAUSE MY PAST IS AS COLOURFUL AS AN ACID TRIP WITH TIMOTHY O'LEARY AT A HAWKWIND CONCERT ...DOESNT MEAN I DESERVE THIS...ITS OUTRAGEOUS!... I REALLY DID LOVE MONTAGUE PENROSE/PENSHAW...WE MET AT THE OLD PEOPLES HOME ...*LAST CHANCE VALLY* ...LAST WEEK WHERE I WAS DOING MY COMMUNITY SERVICE FOR VARIOUS MISDEMEANOURS...OK SO HE WAS A LIL OLDER THAN ME..106..BUT WHATS AGE WHEN YOUR IN LOVE...I REALLY HAD NO IDEA HE WAS LOADED...JUST BECAUSE HE HAD THE WHOLE OF THE EASTWING CORDOND OFF FOR HIM AND HIS SERVANTS ...HIS COMMODE WAS DIAMOND STUDDED..AND HIS SLIPPERS WERE FROM GEORGE AT ASDA..DIDNT MAKE ME THINK..."WOW!... SUUUUGAR DAAADDYYYEEE HERE I COME"!...(COUGH!)...ANYHOW IT WAS WHEN I SAW HIM EATING HIS IRANIAN CAVIAR FOLLOWED BY GOOSE FOIE GRAS AND CRÉME BRULÉE THROUGH A STRAW! THAT I KNEW HE WAS SPECIAL...AFTER TALKING WITH HIM FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS WE WERE ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED THE NEXT DAY...THE WEDDING WAS FABULOUS ...IT LASTED 3 MINUTES... I WHISKED HIM IN AND OUT OF THE CIVIC HALL AS FAST AS HIS TURBO POWERED DIESEL 2 STROKE FERRARI WHEELCHAIR WOULD TAKE HIM...THEN BACK TO THE RITZ HOTEL HONEYMOON SUITE TO CONSUMMATE THE MARRIAGE...I HAD TO PULL OUT ALL THE STOPS FOR THIS..NO NOT ON HIS HEART MONITOR..TUT!..MONTY LOOKED SO HANDSOME AS HE STOOD THERE NAKED WITH HIS LEGS BUCKLING HOLDING HIMSELF UP BY HIS 39 CARAT GOLD ZIMMER FRAME...THE EVENING LIGHT BOUNCING OF HIS FEAR RIDDEN EYES...OH HOW SWEET!...WELL YOU ALL HEARD OF CYBER SEX...BET YOU NEVER HEARD OF "ZIMMER SEX"...WELL, WHAT IT IS RIGHT ,WHAT YOU DO IS YOU GET THE OLD MAN YOUR WITH TO STAND BEHIND HIS ZIMMER FRAME WHILE YOU BEND DOWN AND TAKE THE LEG OF THE ZIMMER AND.....NO! NO! NO! I CANT GO THERE ITS WAY TO HEX RATED FOR THIS ....AFTERWARDS AS ME MONTY AND THE ZIMMER FRAME WERE SMOKING OUR CUBAN CIGARS AND DRINKING BRANDY ALEXANDERS...MONTY STARTED TO GO BLUE...WHICH TO ME WASNT UNUSUAL SEEING AS HE SUFFERED FROM HYPOTHERMIA..SO I JUST IGNORED HIM AND CARRIED ON SHOPPING ONLINE FOR MY NECESSITYS YOU KNOW... DIAMONDS/FURS/SHOES/CHAMPAGNE....VIAGRA FOR HIM..THEN HE JUST KEELED OVER GRASPING HIS CHEST..."OH NO MONTY"!... I GASPED AS I RAN TO THE SAFE TO CHECK HE HAD SIGNED THE WILL LEAVING EVERYTHING TO ME..."PHEW HE HAD..."NOW WHERE WAS I"...I SAID TO MYSELF..."OH YES MONTY".....BUT ALAS... IT WAS TO LATE HE WAS LYING ON THE FLOOR DEAD AS GARY NEWMANS MUSIC CAREER...THE ZIMMER FRAME AND I HAD TO GO TO A COURT HEARING TO CLEAR OUR NAMES OF ANY PART IN THE DEATH OF MONTY..IN THE END IT WAS DOWN TO THE OVER DOSE OF VIAGRA I BOUGHT ON E-BAY..IT WAS A BIT DODGY...IT DIDN'T MAKE HIS WILLIE HARD JUST HIS ARTERIES SO HE HAD A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK...WOULDN'T MIND BUT I PAID A FORTUNE FOR THEM WONDER IF ILL GET A REFUND ON THE 20 BOTTLES I HAVE LEFT...LIFES A BITCH!!...
posted by gypsy noir at 8/22/2006
36 Comments:
ANGUS!
... quit gawking.
Wow - that was quite the trip!
...minus Timothy, Hawkwind, and LSD...
I see the kaleidescope of colours - black, white and blue...
Sorry to hear of your loss...
cough
Never understood all the fuss about Shakespeare.
Likewise I don't understand the lack of fuss about Gypsy.
why thankyou a/d..black is the new..er pink...thankyou dale for your condolence, monty was a rich..er i mean a fine man...awe koos pronounced close without the l...you are so sweet...are you married? ..he he ..
All Koos has is a floating ironside!
Koos, maybe Gypsy will make it on her own...
...her own servants
...her own diamond studded comode
...her own George (?) slippers
...her own caviar
...her own chef to make the greasy pate and burnt cream
...and her own bank account!
Oh right, Gypsy... you do have your own bank account... now.
Long live Gypspear!
It's not only life that's a bitch...;-)
The Black Widow in black comedy...I hope the zimmer frame can kick the smoking habit too ...lol...you wouldn't want to lose that now, hey?
As ever Gypsy, your imagery is incomparable. I love the idea of zimmer sex...gives hope to millions of sugar daddies..and mummies (lol) across the world..xx
PS..I'm back! Thanks for your sweet message, wee one..xxx
val!!!!! welcome back!, we missed you....yes the zimmer frame is in a league of its own ..lol..
oh dale you know the swiss bank account..(wink wink) say no more..
Ah yes, Dale, Gypsy can make it on her own now...she's going to Switzerland to find herself...and her bank account.
But of course, she can't live without her diamond studded commode...or the George slippers from Asda (??)...or the caviar, the chef and the servants...so I guess she'll have to make it with them too..lol
S'good to be home..;-)
*LMAO!*
*ahem!* I mean...poor, poooooor Monty.....*tsk, tsk* He only had the best intentions at heart...or, in his pants....maybe you can sue Viagara for the inconvenience... you know, gives you, the merry widow, something to do and all, now that you precious Monty has kicked the bucket and you won't have to play nursemaid.... are there any other old sacks of bones at Last Chance Valley...rich ones??? I need a winter project....
ANGUS!
ha ha dale and val im wearing my sable fur eating caviar plus the george from asda slippers but they are way to big i keep tripping up on my way to my heffty bank account....mary beth get your self a p/t job at last chance vally there are loads of rich old codgers waiting to kick the bucket..er i mean poor lonley old men in need of comfort and love of courses (coughs)...ANGUS!!!!..
Gypsy, I feel your pain. The full monty wasn't quite so nice, was it?
I like the hat and veil... I'd borrow them for my upcoming nuptuals, but I think it might spook the poor boy away.
Cheers,
AM
ANGUS!
Gypsy you'd better watch out for Mary Beth! She's becoming increasingly outrageous...LOL...needing a winter project!
I'm trying to picture you in that outfit with the slippers..by the way what IS special about 'George' Slippers ...and from ASDA???
aha anne marie maybe in white??..oh yes i saw montys full monty it look like a badley ironed jump-suit..angus pack it in i have a glove fetish!!...that poor mary B was so sweet till we currupted her val...lol..george at asda slippers are the most exquisite you can get..no i lie actually asda is a large supermarket chain and george is their clothes designer a very low budget affair more shit than chic..i shit you not!!...
i chic you not..
Oh, chic!
My condolensces to you Ms. Black Widow. All I can say is that at least you bury them and don't follow the spider ritual of that famous Black Widow.
May you quickly find a replacement! Ha!
gypsy.. i must ask.. 1) where did you get those eyes.. and 2) are you related to anna nicole smith! :P
~Lace~
..leapold i couldn't eat them far to tough..lace i got the eyes off e-bay..quite cheap too..who is anna nicole smith??...lol...
Angus get off Gypsy's site!
You leave Gypsy alone!
I know what you're about - it's those e-bay eyes!
...Jeepers Creepers
oh yes that dingy lipped blonde bint with the inflated chest and the deflated brain who married that poor old man for his money...shocking!!!..(coughs)..must get something for this cough..
lol...angus!! you are becoming obsessed..now do as dale says and scoot!!..e-bay eyes ..hmm could write a song about that..
Hi, I'm glad you found time to drop in for a spell.
It's nice to be back.
I wrote a little something a few years ago about words that misbehaved. When the author went to bed at night, the words would move around and find new places on the page. Some of the words didn't like where they had been placed by the author. They sure did cause havoc for him!
Are you a real Gypsy? You can lie if you want!
Tommy D_____
E-bay eyes,
Selling like hot cakes.
E-bay eyes,
that look like a witch from hell?
Look at those eyes with all that gunk on
How can you sell so well ?
E-bay eyes.
To be sung to music of that one about rabbits...you know...;-)
What d'you think? Have we got a winner here? lol
we are all gypsys TD...val i love it!!..ive been singing it to that choon bloodshot eyes holding my lighter aloft in pure spiritual connection ..wow!..
my eyes were simply blown away...
COOOOL!!! Yay Dale, come on, we need more anthems for E-bay eyes..
I love the lighter held aloft! WOW..what an image...we should all wear plastic leather mini skirts and magenta lycra halter neck tops and...oh the vision of it..!
val how did you know what i was wearing..your psychic!!!
yes psy-chic not psycic..
Gypsy, you have to go to my African Ways site and watch the movie Koos has put there for me...it's hysterical!
LOLOLOLOL!!! Gypsy - psyCHIC..that's gotta be the latest thing..we ahve to tell Mary Beth..!
of course.. ebay eyes.. silly me .. i shouldda known.. a song (to the tune of shes got betty davis eyes):
Her hair is harlot gold
Her lips a sweet surprise
Second none to Anna Nicole
She's got double ebay eyes
She'll turn her magick on you
And Tarquin also just might
She's pure as New York snow
She got double ebay eyes
And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious and she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
She got Greta Garbo standoff sighs
She's got double ebay eyes
(apologies to kim carnes)
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