NOIR ENTERPRISES PRESENTS...
ROLL UP ROLL UP!...ONE AT A TIME ..FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE...HERES MY LATEST VENTURE ..SHAMPAIN NOIR... (MADE BY BOSNIAN REFUGEES TREADING ON THE FINEST GRAPES KNOWN TO MAN... IN A DISUSED HOSPITAL IN REYKJAVIK)...THIS IS MY LAST DITCH ATTEMPT TO MAKE SOME FILTHY LUCRE TO SAVE ME FROM THE HALF-WAY HOUSE...I DONT WANT TO END UP SELLING THE BIG ISSUE ITS AGAINST MY RELIGION...AND I CANT PROSTITUTE MY ASS AT THE MOMENT AS IVE UPSET THE LOCAL PIMP BILLY THE CAP...WHEN HE SAID 80% -20% I THOUGHT HE MEANT ME GETTING THE LARGER CUT..OH WELL MY KNEE CAPS ARE STILL IN TACT BUT HE HAS CONFISCATED MY LIPSTICK AND HAND MIRROR...IM LOST WITH OUT THEM!...SO IVE GONE INTO THE SHAMPAIN BUSINESS WITH MY FRIEND AND ONE TIME CRACK WHORE ANGIE...SHE USED TO BE THE LOCAL SLOT MACHINE..... HER LEGS GOT SO FAR APART THEY BECAME PEN PALS...!..SHES HAD MORE PRICKS THAN A SECONDHAND DART BOARD...NOW SHE HAS AN ADVACED FORM OF RICKETS ...BUT IT'S STRANGE SHE DOESN'T LOOK ANY DIFFERENT AS SHE WAS A BANDY OLD COW AT THE BEST OF TIMES....SHE IS SO UGLY THE MIDWIFE THREW HER IN THE BUCKET AND KEPT THE AFTERBIRTH!...IT TOOK THREE DAYS BEFORE HER MOTHER REALISED, AS THERE WAS A STRANGE RESEMBLANCE....YEAH HER MOTHER WAS UGLY TOO!...TO SAVE TIME SHE WOULD GO OUT ON THE TOWN WITH A MATTRESS STRAPPED TO HER BACK...SHE HAS HER OWN SEAT SPECIALY RESERVED AT THE CLAP CLINIC...BUT APART FROM ALL THAT SHE IS A LOVELY GIRL...(SNIGGERS..)...SO BACK TO THE SHAMPAIN...YOURS FOR JUST €74.00...I TAKE ALL CREDIT CARDS INCLUDING PLASTIC ONES...MONEY WOULD BE BETTER THOUGH I CAN KEEP THAT UNDER MY BED....ALONG WITH THE MILKMAN...DISCLAIMER!!!!...MAY CAUSE IRRIVERSABLE DAMAGE TO KIDNEYS ,LIVERS AND VINYL ...ALL ORDERS TO WWW.GYPSYNOIRINC.CON ....WELL COME ON THEN MAKE HASTE!!...HURRY WHILE STOCKS LAST...AND LAST...AND LAST...
posted by gypsy noir at 8/27/2006
9 Comments:
Hey Gypsy - your website "cannot be found"...
You'll have to introduce me to your friend Angie with the mattress strapped to the back of her back... she's got the jack.
Good to hear your knees were not capped by Mr Cap...
Looking forward to a taste of the bubbly noir... sham pain.
Billy must have been by my place, because I just discovered an entire make-up bag in my closet... I shit you not!
I lost my plastic credit card...
order me up three cases of that "sham". Yes it might be a "pain" to ship it over here. In a way, it's a big "con" instead of a pro. Of course "reykjavik" is a bit closer than England. Since I'm in the plastics business, I can give you as much "plastic" as you want.
oh bummer...ill have a word with my computer geek see if it can fix it..maybe not found is a good thing dale, btw were there any drunken lost comments there?...billy does get around the tart!..angus i get a royal flush after 2 bottles of shampas...lannio good word play there...hmmm plastic will do nicely...my credit cards made of cardboard..its home made..but it does the trick unless its wet then it wont go through the swipe machines..to soggy...
So, I use beer for shampoo, what can shampain be good for? Relieving pain like arthritis? Maybe I'll splash it on my nody in tghe bath and I'll never be sore again!
Hilarious post, my dear. Oh and yes, you can read my short story- nothing to do with the novel.
Cheers,
AM
Waaaaaaay too much pink for me, one can hardly read with such hues! Erm where was I? YES! The latest craving, Pepsi hmmmmm off to the shops for my third two litres in the last 4 days......
I might be busy gypsy, but had to read your post! You've excelled yourself with this one...OK exceeded yourself too...Gypsynoirinc.CON...ROFL!
her legs so far apart they became penpals is just brilliant! I had a friend we called Blue Band Legs for the same reason...they spread so easily...lol
Here's to you dear Gypsy! Cheers, Ciao, Prost...she's not a sham or even a pain..;-)
*LMAO!* Are you sure you're selling Shampane and not stand-up comedy? Hey-ho!
I'd love to buy some of your tempting elixer, but didn't see any disclaimers on vision....does this stuff make you go blind?? It would be hard to run from any pimps or bad sales..*ahem*.. I mean...business deals if you're blind...sip slowly, Gypsy!!
HA YES VAL OR MARG CAUSE THEY SPREAD SO EASLY..MARY BETH IT WONT MAKE YOU BLIND BUT IT MIGHT MAKE YOU THINK YOUR A LAMPOST...GULP!!!!
gypsy.. ive seen your money troubles and have come to your rescue.. see delbuts blog for your latest sca.. err.. capital venture.. it involves little more than your broom and the time it will take to fly it to wales and leave it for him..
http://www.blogger.com/publish-comment.do?blogID=17084756&postID=115662368979330056&r=ok
i must ask tho.. please do not price gouge delbut.. hes in a terrible mess and he did give me my first real break as stand in for the lead vocals in the fullershyts.. :P
~lace~
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