TRASHINGTON DISASTER APPEAL!!!!

As you are probably aware a massive earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale struck trashington in the early hours....
At the epicenter in newcastle ,victims were seen roaming around aimlessly muttering “wheeys keeys are theese”. The earthquake decimated the entire area causing about 30 quids worth of damage.... Several priceless collections of ashtrays from the Balearics and Tenerife were damaged beyond repair...
Three historic areas of burnt out cars, some over seven years old were disturbed. ..Many locals were awoken before their unemployment benefit arrived... the trashington echo reported that hundreds of locals were confused, bewildered and still trying to come to terms with the loss of Ladbrokes. ..One resident a Miss Sharon Smith, a 15 year old mother of six said “It was a shock to my little Chardonnay Mercedes... She came into my room crying and put me and Winston off our stroke but my youngest two Tyler Morgan and Brooklyn Romeo Rainbow luckily slept through it all. I was still shaking whilst watching Trisha the next day”...
Apparently looting, mugging and car crime did carry on as normal... The RedCross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of lager into the area to help the stricken locals... Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have recovered large amounts of belongings including Benefit Books, jewellery by Elizabeth Duke at Argos and finest bone china from MadHarry’s...
HOW CAN YOU HELP?....This appeal is to raise money for food and clothes parcels for those caught up in the disaster... Clothing is urgently needed and amongst the most sought after items are;
. Fila or Burberry Baseball Caps· ..Kappa Tracksuit Tops (his and hers)·... Adidas Trackie Bottoms 3/4 length,·.. White Socks· Rockport Boots·.. and anything else from the Donnay shop...
Food parcels must take into consideration local tastes and should include Micro Meals, Pot Noodles, Baked Beanz, Super Noodles, Sausage Rolls and Greggs pasties for the babies...Special brew or brownale would also be gratefully received.
Every little helps. ...Remember:
· 22p buys a biro to help fill in a compensation form·.. £2.00 buys chips with curry and blue Panda pop for a family of nine· £5.00 buys 20 fags and a box of Swan Vestas matches to calm the nerves of a grieving ten year old
Please don’t send tents for shelter as the sight of posh accommodation is unfair on the residents of trashington....
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP...(as per send all moneys to my swiss bank account)...