DALE & GYPSYS PRESCIPTION DRUG INDUCED FLYING-IN-THE-ETHER HOLIDAY...
FELL OUT OF BED AROUND 3PM. JUMPED INTO MY CABRIOLET ROBIN RELIANT TO PICK DALE UP FROM THE TRASHINGTON AIRPORT...I SAY AIRPORT, IT'S A FLATTENED SLAG HEAP WITH A WHITE CHALK LINE DOWN THE CENTRE AS THE RUNWAY!..SHE WAS DUE TO FLY IN ON TRASHINGTON-AIR ITS AN OLD WW2 AVRO LANCASTER...ONLY 3 DAYS LATE WHICH WAS GOOD GOING FOR THE TIME OF YEAR...THERE SHE STOOD AT THE TOP OF THE PLANE STEPS , WEARING A BROKEN 90'S HYPER GLOBAL TEE-SHIRT WHICH STAYED THE SAME COLOUR NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU TRY AND MAKE YOURSELF SWEAT..WAVING AT ME FRANTICLY ...THEN SHE PROMPTLY SLID DOWN THE BANNISTER OF THE STEPS AND LANDED IN A HEAP AT THE BOTTOM ..LEGS AKIMBO ILLUMINATE BRIGHT GREEN KNICKERS DAZZLING IN THE SUNLIGHT...I REACHED DOWN TO PICK HER UP.."HELLO" I SAID " PLEASED TO MEET YOU, WHAT'S YOUR NAME?, IM AFRAID IVE FORGOTTEN MINE"..."ITS ME!!! DALE OF BLOGDUM" SHE SCREACHED...."OH FUCKING HELL YES, AND IM... YES WELL DALE!!...ITS GREAT TO MEET YOU AT LAST"...I USHERED HER OVER TO MY ROBIN CABRIOLET SHE WAS CARRYING 5 SUITCASES, I GENEROUSLY OFFERED TO CARRY HER PASSPORT...BEEN THE KIND HELPFULL SOUL I AM...SHE SLUNG HER 2 DAY LUGGAGE IN THE BACK OF THE RELIANT AND JUST LIKE RAOUL DUKE IN FEAR & LOATHING I SAID.."GET IN!"...I'D FOUND AN AC/DC TAPE AT AN ANTIQUES FAIR SO I BLASTED IN OUT ON THE QUADRAPHONIC SOUND SYSTEM...HER BLONDE LOCKS TANGLING UP IN THE FORCE TEN GALE..SHE WAS SO HAPPY..THEN I HANDED HER THE ETHER ..WE DRANK THE LOT..WHOOOOSH!!!...WE TOOK OFF..."I WANT TO GO TO THE BACK OF THE ABATTIOR TO SEE THE LOST COMMENTS" SHE SLLLLLURD..."OK" I SAID "BUT WE WILL BE INSULTED IN A SHAKESPEAREAN FASHION DEAR"...."I DONT CARE I WANT TO FEEL THE HUMILIATION"....SO I PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND WE SPED UP TO SPEEDS REACHING 19MILES PER HOUR...WE STOOD BEFORE THE INFAMOUS LOST COMMENTS AND GOT SLATED AND ABUSIVE TEXT HURLED AT US FOR 5 HOURS..OF COURSE WE SENT A FEW DICTORIAL MISSILES BACK AT THEM....GREAT JOY!!...IT WAS A MAGICAL EXPERIENCE ..SOMETHING EVERYONE SHOULD DO BEFORE THEY DIE..ELATED AND DEFLATED WE CAME AWAY...WHERE TO NOW I WONDER...I KNOW ..GALA BINGO THE MECCA OF ALL BINGO HALLS...AS WE ENTERED THE BINGO CLUTCHING OUR GLITTERING DABBERS IT FELT LIKE OUR FEET WERE STICKING TO THE CARPET....THEN I LOOKED AT THE BOTTOM OF OUR SHOES AND THE SOULS WERE COVERED IN VELCRO...WE WERE MAKING MIND BLOWING RIPPING NOISES WITH EVERY STEP ATTRACTING UNWANTED ATTENTION....BUT WE JUST PISSED OURSELVES LAUGHING...WE HAD A SCRAP WITH THE WOMENS INSTITUTE CONTINGENT....I THINK ME AND DALE BETWEEN US HOSPITALIZED AT LEAST 6 OF THEM..OH AND THE FIRE BRIGADE HAD TO BE CALLED OUT FOR THE ONE WITH HER HEAD RAMMED UP THE VICARS ARSE...WASNT US!....HONEST!!..(snigger)..IM AFRAID THIS IS WHERE I BLACK OUT ,THE LAST I SAW OF DALE SHE WAS ACCUSING THE BINGO CALLER OF BEING A SELF RIGHTEOUS TWAT FACED NONCHALENT NONCE...(he's only 9 years old)...I HEARD FROM THE TOWN GOSSIP THAT SHE FLEW HOME WITHOUT AN AIRCRAFT...I WOULD LOVE HER TO COME BACK AND DO IT ALL AGAIN THOUGH...BUT NEXT TIME WE WILL LET OUR HAIR DOWN..WE WONT BE SO SHY AND RETIRING....
posted by gypsy noir at 10/03/2006
23 Comments:
I LOVE IT!
Some of my favourite things in there: flattened slag heap, vintage war planes, an abattoir (maybe the deserted factory a next time?), and two of the most attractive women known to (this) man. It is like a dream, it is like a film (all good dreams are).
Where's the Director, the Producer, the Camera Crew...
Val is editing a movie on her computer as I write.
THIS HAS BEEN QUITE THE WEEK, GYPSY!
I must say that Trash-Air really has it on Air Canada...at least the attendants were rude enough to swear at me when I ordered my fifteenth gin and tonic...not like AC where they just pretended to ignore me...all in all it was a great 4-day flight.
You forgot to mention my sequined hip-hugging jeans with the butt ripped out...in a bag heap at the foot of the steps...
...and I say, I meant to wear my flourescent pink thong - sorry...and I'm missing a suitcase.
The abattoir felt like home...er - I mean Stratford...well, with the ether, AC/DC and all, I think it did...wherefore art thou Dale?
...and, Gypsy, have you seen my passport?
btw i saw them sixes...
...and the 69
According to NASCAR rules - a black flag means you're disqualified...
koos i took loads of pictures specially for you..but somehow the camera got broken colliding off some womans forehead..can't wait to see the movie..plenty deserted factories here maybe next time you and val will visit, plenty room in the reliant....DALE ..your jeans were fantastic and so chic especially the designer butt-rip..i quite liked the illuminate green thong as it matched your complextion after your gin ridden flight..er..the suitcase is in bangkok along with your passport been sold to a thia bride as we speak..sorry it was an offer i couldn't refuse..oh dale next time we must do ming fellows...
Wasn't the velcro so we could walk better on the ceiling ...I'm very good at reading bingo cards upside down...
...does the bride have a blonde wig?
ooooooooooooooooooooooooohh
MING!
yes yes yes
dale we dont need velcro to walk on ceillings!..yes, she mysteriously found one in the luggage...yeah mings..you will have to perform the ritual but living so close to fish you wont find it to traumatic..ooh just think...KARAOKE night thurs..oh but you are off to see the WHO..how could you???!!!!
I am writing the smutty novel version as we speak.
Can I nick the line "clutching our glittering dabbers"? I think the Mann Booker prize may be within reach next year with that turn of phrase.
-AM
you guys had a party and didnt invite ME?!?
::wanders off pouting::
~Lace~
Come back, Lace...you ARE invited!
Just another quiet week in the suburbs then... I haven't been up to much either.
Seriously though Gypsy (if I may use such a word here), I LOVE this post. Aside from the fact that it made me laugh so much, I can actually HEAR it. I promise.
ok racey-lacey and marvelous margie can come fly with us the next time...margie did you hear the velcro ripping??...
I did indeed, Gypsy. Once I started reading the comments though, somehow the sound of the velcro ripping and the image of Dale's fluoro G-string became perversely entangled, and I now find myself crossing my legs and grimacing a lot. This heightened awareness stuff has its drawbacks.
Thanks for the invite to the next flight!
*L* This post is amazing! You shoud really write some kind of fantasy TV show, Gypsy...then we could see your creativity in full action!
Dale!! You never told us you were going to Trashington.....secret trip, eh....next time try Slingshot Airlines - it's almost free (you just slip the slingshotter a bottle of gin), it's a nice, breezy trip (bring a jacket), and you get a full view of everything you fly over with no pesky obstructions like wings or windows. *L*
What a great holiday!... very Jack Kerouac-esk! That's about as close to a trip I'll get until next year! Might have to get the Nyquil out tonight. I'm a lightweight.
YOU drank ether! Hellava way to go.
Gypsy - who's going to play you in the film? I know some people...
oi oi think the piccies link is workin :)
Hey Gypsy-
A lil Koos bird just peeped that your daughter got married.....
you've got to give us the story!!!
I'm headed over to see the pics.
Congrats to you and your daughter.
I've been missing you and wondering where you've been.
I wonder no more, but still miss your posts
take it easy-
cherylann
Yes, yes I second with Cheryl Ann - if you havn't floated off too far into the Ether, come back and tell us all about the wonderful day! .. in the eyes of a mum of course! Congradulations to you and yur girl!
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